|
|
(This is
just a joke...not intended to be taken seriously) |
"FOOL PRESSURE
CHART" 
(For those who refuse to use a pressure
gauge)
Due to the fact that most technicians do not want
to take the time to
correctly test the fuel pressure, we have developed the following...
With the engine running, either push the schrader
valve in or loosen the
fuel line THEN IF:
| Fuel does not come out of the
test area... |
Pressure is approx 0 psi |
| Fuel hits the hood insulation... |
Pressure is 5 - 8 psi |
| Fuel squirts over the fender... |
Pressure is 10-15 psi |
| Fuel splashes off the fender onto
the hood insulation and into the next repair bay... |
Pressure is 25-30 psi |
| Fuel squirts to the garage roof,
all over the car, including the shop owner... |
Pressure is 30-50 psi |
Don't be a FOOL...use a
Fuel Pressure Gauge!
VACUUM TEST
"Rule of Thumb"
Put thumb on vacuum hose leading to
direct engine vacuum.
| Don't feel anything… |
Change thumbs and re-test |
| Still don't feel anything… |
Vacuum is very low to none. |
| Hose has slight suction… |
1" to 5" |
| Suction causes skin to wrinkle… |
5" to 8" |
| Suction turns thumb blue… |
8" to 10" |
| Suction creates hickey on thumb… |
10" to 12" |
| Suction creates pain… |
18" to 20" |
| Suction will not release and
begins to move toward index finger… |
20" to 25" |
Don't be a "THUMB SUCKER"...
use a Vacuum Gauge!
"IDIO-ILLUMINATION" CHART
With the vehicle prepped and
ready to be tested, hook the negative lead
of the test light to a good ground and proceed with testing.
| The bulb DOES NOT light… |
The voltage is 0 - 1 volt |
| The bulb MIGHT be glowing… |
The voltage is 1 - 3 volts |
| The bulb BARELY GLOWS (or there
is a reflection from the overhead lights)… |
The voltage is 3 - 5 volts |
| The bulb GLOWS MUCH BRIGHTER than
#2, but only a little brighter than #3… |
The voltage is 5 - 7 volts |
| The bulb GLOWS WITH THE SAME
INTENSITY AS A BALD HEAD ON A SUNNY DAY… |
The voltage is 7 - 9 volts |
| The bulb GLOWS BRIGHTLY and is
GAINING IN INTENSITY… |
The voltage is 9 - 11 volts |
| The bulb is ALMOST BRIGHT ENOUGH
TO READ BY… |
The voltage is 11 - 13 volts |
| The bulb is BRIGHT ENOUGH that
you still see a spot when you look away… |
The voltage is 13 - 15 volts |
| The bulb SHINES WITH THE
INTENSITY OF A HALOGEN HEADLAMP… |
The voltage is 15 - 17 volts |
| The bulb is so bright that it MAY
BE A SIGN FROM GOD… |
The voltage is 17 - 19 volts |
| The bulb flashed with the
INTENSITY OF A MINOLTA FLASH POINTED 3 FEET FROM YOUR FACE… |
The voltage is 20,000 to 40,000
volts…
(Secondary Ignition) |
Don't be an IDIOT...use a
Voltmeter!
IGNITION VOLTAGE OUTPUT TEST
Scopes may be inaccessible from time
to time, so we at "Bubba's Garage"
have come up with this here test for Ignition Output:
-
Hold medium wrench in one hand,
Sears wrench preferred for accuracy
of test 'cause other smooth wrenches are too slick for throwin'!
-
With engine runnin', grab hold of
the plug end of an ignition cable with the other hand
and hold on tight!
-
This will more than likely cause
you to throw wrench! KV output is based on how far
the wrench wuz thrown!
|
|
approx.
10,000 volts |
|
|
approx.
15,000 volts |
|
|
approx.
25,000 volts |
|
|
Caution!
Must be one of them new
dis-is-it ignition systems, use bigger
wrench and retest. |
WARNING! No side effects have been
reported due to testing at this time
(although it has been known to kill chiggers after berry pickin')
Bubba Sez: Electricity will not
usually hurt you, instead it is the back of
your neck going through the hood latch that really ruins your day!!
HOW TO TORQUE WITH AN IMPACT
WRENCH.
(Remember this is just a joke!)
Yes you can use your impact gun to torque nuts and
bolts if you use this handy chart along with your ears and a quick
trigger finger.
| TORQUE VALUE |
INGERSOLL IMPACT |
SNAP-ON IMPACT |
| 25 to 35 ft/lbs |
BAP! |
BAP! |
| 35 to 45 ft/lbs |
BAP! BAP! |
BAP! BAP! |
| 45 to 60 ft/lbs |
BAP! BAP! BA... |
BAP! BAP! BAP! |
| 60 to 75 ft/lbs |
BAP! BAP! BAP! |
BAP! BAP! BAP! BA… |
| 75 to 90 ft/lbs |
BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! |
BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! |
| 90 to 100 ft/lbs |
BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP!
BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! |
| 110 to 300 ft/lbs ALL GUNS |
BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP!
BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! BAP! |
(Source - Bubba's Auto Teknikal Tips, 1123
Chaw Rd., Spit, TX 75999) |
